A message from Sarah Palin

Obama and Hilary video

Here's a video done by fellow comedian Michael Hayne. Check it out, laugh a little, think some too.


Find more videos like this on Droppin Shorts

Damned if you do, damned if you don't

While watching CNN this morning, Rudy Giuliani came on and bashed Obama for not visiting Iraq more often. Before his visit they bashed him for not visiting, now it's not enough. Funny I didn't hear Rudy bash Obama for being faithful to his wife, something Rudy could not do. I worked with Rudy and Co. during 9-11 recovery and I live in NYC, trust me that man is an a-hole. I leave you with a clip from the king of sound bite, my man, Joe Biden.


Rudy's reply, "Screw you, 9-11"

I might just change my views!

I posted a hilarious line I received in a conservative newsletter Here. Well I think they may have won me over with the latest letter they sent out.

Dear [New Letter Name] Reader,

We are pleased to introduce you to our latest email, the Chuck Norris Email Alert. Chuck Norris is an American icon whose unique, hard-nosed insight on Conservative issues makes him one of the most popular authors we feature at [New Letter Name].

The Chuck Norris Email Alert will land in your inbox on Thursday mornings and point you to our website to read and comment upon Chuck's most recent columns.

We hope you enjoy this new free service. And, please be assured, it's easy to modify your subscription at any time. So, if you ever decide you don't want to receive the Chuck Norris Email Alert, you can always click the "edit your account" link at the bottom of each message to modify your subscriptions.

Sincerely,

[New Letter Name]

Are you kidding me?!?!?! Martial Arts master and Texas Ranger Chuck Noriss and star of his own cartoon which had characters based on stereotypes (I love the Sumo Guy). I think I might vote for McCain now.

Obama, the remix

Black and Blind?

Yeah so the big deal with the new Governor in New York is that he is not only black (the first black Gov of New York) but also blind (I think he's like the 4th blind Gov, but I don't know because I'm not blind so I don't really care, and let's be honest neither do you person who can see my blog right now).

Some people call it progress, I call it bullsh!t. First off he was not elected, be basically came in because the other Gov got the boot. Progress? No. It says that New Yorkers would not elect a black governor but would not riot if one happened to get in by default. But enough of that lets get to the nitty gritty or it all.

Spitzer was removed from office for a sex scandal. Let's be clear it was not about the fact he had sex with prostitutes, because America doesn't really care about that. Don't believe me? Then go watch Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen was caught with hookers galore and now he is on a family show. Maybe you should also rent Shrek or Daddy Day Care and listen to Eddie Murphy who was caught with a prostitute who also had a penis. What creeps people out is Spitzer looks like a troll and yet he gets to sleep with hot young girls. America hates the inequality of it all, especially the average Joe who is over weight and bald, but knows he doesn't have the $4500 an hour to get some Spitzer type poonany.

But back to Gov. Patterson. He comes out and tells everyone on TV that he cheated on his wife, many times. The question is, how does he know? His wife could have put on a wig and followed his ass to the bar, and when he though he was picking up a new woman it was really his wife with a crappy British accent and a Tina Turner wig.

I'm your private dancer Gov Patterson, I mean cheerio, pip pip (That a British accent)

Also Gov Patterson told all his business on the local news station NY1. The guy who interviewed him was shocked. He asked the Governor if he smoked marijuana. The Governor replies, "Yes." Then the host asks about cocaine. The Gov then replies, "Yes." The news guy was in such shock he asked the Gov if he heard him right. 'You sure you want to say yes to this sh!t I'm asking you?' To which the Governor replied 'no doubt.'

I thought in the black community we were down with the stop snitching movement, now it seems we are down with stop snitching unless you're going to snitch on yourself before someone else find out. It seems that if you come out and tell on yourself then you get forgiven or even better a free pass. So in line with that I once looked at a homeless lady's boobs. For whatever reason she popped them out and I did look. Perhaps I need rehab.

Yeah so in the 3rd grade I pulled Sally's hair, then in the 5th grade I stole a Now-N-Later from the corner store. Ummm what else can I tell you I did wrong?

What did you say? No seriously I couldn't hear you.

I take the subway to work every morning. If I am not on the train with my wife, I listen to my iPod. I try not to have the volume turned up too high as anyone who has taken Physics 101 can tell you the close proximity of the speaker to your actual ear drum is not good. If I can clearly hear the song on your iPod over my music, I am willing to bet good money you will be deaf in a few years.

If other countries want to defeat us, they need not build up strong military arsenals or even attack us financially; all they need do is release a Britney Spears pop song with a heavy bass track.

Soon our enemies over seas (I'm talking to you Yugoslavia) will be able to talk amongst themselves, and we will not even be able to hear.

Obama: The Great White Hope?

So I'm voting for Obama, and not because he's black. I wouldn't vote for any black dude running. If Flava Flav ran, he would not have my vote. He would however have me as his assassin: Joshua Barak Homer (because assassins use all three names). What's that you say? Yes my middle name is BARAK! Damn right. When Barack Obama was in college calling himself Barry (he did, read his books) I was repping Barak to the fullest. Well actually I wasn't. That name got me teased more than Josh. The funny thing is people love the name now; it's even in the baby name books. People are like "Oh I love the name Barak; it's a strong African name." Well guess what suckas? The name is not African it's Hebrew (Mosoltov suckas!). Read your bible, the book of Judges. The original Barak was a gangster. He killed many a fool in the name of God.

Barak, I beg the mercy.
Talk to the hand bitch!

It also cracks me up that now that Barack is a viable candidate, people are switching sides to support him. Before the primaries, people in the black community where hard on poor old Obama. "He's not black enough, I'm voting for Hilary" Really? I'm pretty sure Hilary is not black enough either. It's also funny to label him 'not black enough.' What did you expect the first black president to look like? Wesley Snipes? Its America baby, and Blade is not making it to the White House. You have to get people used to idea of a brown President before you go Chocolate Love on them.

I need your vote and your blood,
mostly just your blood.

If When Obama wins it will be an end of an era. No more will people let you 'get away with' using your race as a handicap. That's not saying racism will not exist, that's saying you better STFU about it. "Man I can't get booked at these clubs because they make the line up mostly white." "Man you need to stop talking that crap, you can do anything. The President is black so don't tell me you can't get booked" Ahhhh the end of an era.

What do you mean you can't be anything you want. Look at me I'm the damn Black President,
and this ain't Deep Impact

Don't ever forget

I'm in Houston due to a family emergency (hence my lack of posting on Friday). Now I live in New York and there George Bush and the whole Bush clan is pretty much the butt of a lot of jokes. It's so bad (and so easy for comics) that getting on stage and saying "George Bush sucks" will not only get you a laugh but probably an applause break.

But that's New York, I'm in Texas, and here Bush is king. Check out this statue at the airport of George the First.

Even in his best day GB1 wasn't built like this

The point is we're all different. Vote Obama.