"They Live"

Over the weekend I watched one of my childhood favorite moves, They Live. I was a little disappointed, I waited all movie for Rowdy Rody Piper to say "I came here to kick ass and chew bubblegum...." and when he did it felt like the air was let out of my balloon. Although They Live still has one of the best (unneeded) fight seens in any movie.

I've decided to never watch any more movies I loved as a kid, except for The Princess Bride and The Thing because those movies are classics (and I've watched them already and still love them)

The Dark Knight, ehh

So I finally saw the movie last night, and I must say it was a let down. Before you send me a bunch of emails (not really) let me explain. The story was decent, there was lots of action, but it was not better than say The Incredible Hulk (which I actually liked more). It was better than Iron Man and leaps and bounds better than any Fantastic Four movie. It was however just an average movie. There was no great step forward made with this movie, it was a comic book movie that actually talked to adults instead of winking at them while talking to children. Was Heather Ledger great? Not really, he was good, but I would not say great.

I think the movie was shot extremely well, but there were scenes in the movie that questioned the intellegence of the characters in it (I don't want to say which ones because that would spoil it for you) including Batman. If I could figure somethign out in the movie then the worlds greatest dective should have an easy go of it.

I think this movie was the perfect storm of hype. Oh well, countdown to Watchmen.

Hancock

So I went and saw Hancock, which I enjoyed and would see again (unlike Wanted which was doodoo). I like Will Smith, he is one of the benchmarks by which I measure my own success. I know I will be successful once I am in a movie with him or Denzel, or I can call either of them anytime I want.

Anyway, I went to see the movie at 4:30 on July 4th and there are a large number of old black men at the movie, and I mean old. One guy was in a wheel chair, another had TWO canes! I wonder were they there to see it because of Will Smith or because the movie was about a cantacerous black superhero who's just angry at the world?

I could just imagine what the world would be like if every 70+ black dude had super powers. There'd be a lot of old dead white guys.

Whitey if I get bitten by a radioactive spider, that's yo ass!

Are parents really that scared?

While I searched the internet for a picture of the girl from Aeon FLux who has hands for feet, I came accross a site for parents that gives the low down on every movie and warns them about things that might upset their children in the movie. I think that's a good idea in theory, I mean you have a rating system in place, and although it is far from perfect you have an idea of what a movie will contain based on the rating received.

The site goes into specific stuff about each movie. The one note that caught my eye on Aeon Flux was a section on "Disrepectful/Bad Attidudes"

Here's a snipppit:

DISRESPECTFUL/BAD ATTITUDE
*We learn that Oren is the one who tried to have his brother killed (via an unknowing Aeon) and that since that didn't work, he's now attempting to orchestrate a coup. We also learn that he's killed (or had killed) anyone in the city who's become pregnant by natural means.
*Those working for him also have bad attitudes.
*Some viewers could see the rebels as having bad attitudes for their actions, but they're portrayed in the movie as the "good guys."

Who would have ever thought that workers have bad attitudes? Perhaps we should keep our kids out of the post office as well.
"I'm smiling on the outside, but on the inside I'm plotting to poop in your mailbox

6 Degrees.....

So I live in Brooklyn NY, very close to Spike Lee's production company 40 Acres and a Mule. If you ever go by you can see the huge pictures he has of Savion Glover and Tommy Davidson in full costume from the movie Bamboozled, it's both hilarious and disturbing.

These cut outs in the background are in his window

My ex-girlfriend used to live about 3 blocks from his studio, but more importantly her family owned a brownstone and rented the basement apartment to.....wait for it......Joie Lee, Spike Lee's sister, the one he puts in most of his movies.

Thank got for nepotism,
a girl need to buy some Manolo Blahniks

When the ex's family sold the builing to gentrifiers, Ms. Lee was out of a home. She then moved onto the block I live on and I would see her every week on her little bike with a basket on the handle bars, peddeling up and down Vanderbilt Ave. Well yesterday I got on the C train and was heading home after a basketball game (We played in a gym that was 94 degrees, I was soaked head to toe) and who should shoot me a smile and sit down next to me; none other than Joie herself. This might be a backhanded compliment, but she looks much better in real life and she has mad style.

I kept thinking, 'If only I had kicked it to her back in the day, I too could be in her brother's movies.' Screw talent, I'm trying to sleep my way to the middle.

Obama: The Great White Hope?

So I'm voting for Obama, and not because he's black. I wouldn't vote for any black dude running. If Flava Flav ran, he would not have my vote. He would however have me as his assassin: Joshua Barak Homer (because assassins use all three names). What's that you say? Yes my middle name is BARAK! Damn right. When Barack Obama was in college calling himself Barry (he did, read his books) I was repping Barak to the fullest. Well actually I wasn't. That name got me teased more than Josh. The funny thing is people love the name now; it's even in the baby name books. People are like "Oh I love the name Barak; it's a strong African name." Well guess what suckas? The name is not African it's Hebrew (Mosoltov suckas!). Read your bible, the book of Judges. The original Barak was a gangster. He killed many a fool in the name of God.

Barak, I beg the mercy.
Talk to the hand bitch!

It also cracks me up that now that Barack is a viable candidate, people are switching sides to support him. Before the primaries, people in the black community where hard on poor old Obama. "He's not black enough, I'm voting for Hilary" Really? I'm pretty sure Hilary is not black enough either. It's also funny to label him 'not black enough.' What did you expect the first black president to look like? Wesley Snipes? Its America baby, and Blade is not making it to the White House. You have to get people used to idea of a brown President before you go Chocolate Love on them.

I need your vote and your blood,
mostly just your blood.

If When Obama wins it will be an end of an era. No more will people let you 'get away with' using your race as a handicap. That's not saying racism will not exist, that's saying you better STFU about it. "Man I can't get booked at these clubs because they make the line up mostly white." "Man you need to stop talking that crap, you can do anything. The President is black so don't tell me you can't get booked" Ahhhh the end of an era.

What do you mean you can't be anything you want. Look at me I'm the damn Black President,
and this ain't Deep Impact

Resident Evil: Extinction

I rented Resident Evil: Extinction, that was before I knew Ashanti was in it.

I can't sing or act:
I'm f@&king up on two jobs and you ain't got one?

Auditions

So I had an audition today. It was my first for a movie, they needed comedians, black comedians. I've auditioned for TV shows, some TV ads but never a movie. I'll let you in on a secret: they're all the same. You get your lines ahead of time, show up, wait around, go in a room with 2 or more people, say your name into a camera and then start reading.

This time they were auditioning kids in the other room, but we all shared the same waiting room. I learned that I never want to have a kid who is a child actor. The kids (all except one red haired kid) seemed maladjusted. The acted as if they had no childhood. One kid who was 9 going on 10 told another child and his mom that he didn't understand why kids his age don't like reading Moby Dick because it's a good book. Age 9?!?!?! At 9 I was just discovering my mody dick, and it was a page turner.

The audition gets even creepier for the kids. They go in the audition room by themselves behind a curtain so the other kids, and the parents can not see. A camera? A child away from his parents? The child looking to please the auditioners? This screams of the Bicycle man from Different Strokes. If they ask you to play safari run for the hills kid!



Back to me, I don't think I got the part. While reading the part that was clearly written for a young Faizon Love I slipped into my "Coon" voice. A voice I do to mock people like Flava Flav. I guess I thought the character was worthy of the voice. The character was a black sidekick to a Van Wilder type. He basically says "Yes boss" to Van the whole movie. Oh well, I still would do the movie. I don't think of it as selling out but buying in. Rent is due.

Fazion Love: You might remember him from such classics as "Who's You Caddy?", "3 Strikes" and "The Players Club"

In his defence though Faizon Love turned down Soul Plane because he felt it was too much. Even Mr. Love can recognize some real coonery a bafoonery.