"The Bachelor" "Jason Meznick" and maybe "Jimmy Kimmel" (or is it Jason Mesnick?)

A blogger friend of mine mentioned how hot the topic of the TV show The Bachelor" is right now. He also mentioned that the finale was a let down. My thought is, "You watch the Bachelor?"

Man up.

Protesting done wrong

I don't know how many people followed the Take Back NYU protest, where a bunch of kids took over the food court for two days. I had to walk past this crap on my way home from class. They wanted outrageous demands like for NYU to open it’s books, for NYU to get involved in the Gaza conflict (“We’ll send our crack team of flashlight security guards there right now!"), and more use of the library. Oh stupid kids.

In the video below, after NYU heads had enough of this childish crap, they walked right past the “barricades” the protesters put up.

In the video I noticed the following things said by the protesters:

• “We’re trying to do this as a democracy” – No you’re not, you took over a food court. The definition of that is not democracy but actually terrorism.
  
• To the incoming security guards: "You can’t come here this is NYU student free space” – Ummmm, no it’s not. It’s space OWNED by NYU and students are allowed to use it. Because you go to a school does not mean you own real-estate.
• “Brutality! You’re on camera” – This is said to security guards as they are walking away!
• “You may not detain us!” – Actually they can, you’re trespassing, you’re breaking the law. You can be arrested.
• From one protester to another: “We’re using consensus as to how we will proceed” – Ummm, no you’re not, you’re just stalling before the cops that have you surrounded arrest you. You were NEVER in control. The administration let you play a game that they could have ended anytime they felt like it, and they did.

I understand that NYU wanted to avoid looking like the bad guy, so they allowed the kids to play their little protest game, but if I were in charge I would have just had the police clear them out the first night. All in all this was not a real protest, but just something that a 40 year old man can look back and say, “Remember that time we took over the food court? That was awesome.”

Sex sells, I guess

For years sex has been used to sell everything, but the new Arby's commercial comes off more as creepy. See for yourself.


I like how the hat pops up at the end to let you know he's got a boner. The commercial creeps me out, like this dude has chopped up a bunch of women and made an Arby's uniform out of human flesh. "It put's the Arby's sauce in the basket!"

Needless to say, I am never eating at Arby's.

Frank TV, another season

Yeah, Frank TV has been renewed for another season! Now you can see all your favorite characters, but only fat!!!!!!

Jerry Seinfeld is HUGE!!!!

God,
This is Josh. I know I haven't asked for much but can you please please please put some good comedies on TV, I mean like 30 Rock the first season before it "dumbed" itself down for the masses or Arrested Development before Satan himself got it thrown off the air. I know many people like the Office (US version) but it's no BBC version.

Thanks in advance,
Josh

I don't understand

Today I saw a blind woman with a tattoo. It wasn't even in raised text.

Sitcom wars

I love the sitcom The Golden Girls. It is a classic; well written, fleshed out real characters, great subject matter, it's just phenomenal all around.

Thank you for being a friend
Bea Arthur's comedic timing is some of the best of all time. Estelle Getty is so good in this show I forgave her for Stop or My Mom Will Shoot. Rue McClanahan was the sexiest woman over 60 for a long time (too bad she can't be the sexiest woman over 80). Betty White is still hilarious, check out her many appearances on Conan and other show that she still does till this day. I've seen every episoide of the show and they're all classics.

My wife however loves the sitcom Designing Women, which I personally think is the worst sitcom of all time. I've been forced to watch this vile excuse for comedy on more than one occasion. The jokes are weak, you see the punches coming a mile away, the comedy is all based on stereotypes and it's just not funny. But you can't tell my wife anything. She says it's a show that highlights strong southern women, which it does, just not in a funny way. I also think the show makes a mockery of black dudes, as the only black charter on the show is an ex con who is a closet homosexual (not saying that there is anything wrong with that) and any of the black guest characters happen to be criminals too (check out the episode where the kid who was being mentored by them steals, it's an instant classic).

This show about strong women kicked a character off because the actor got too fat! That's feminism in action.
In short, I hate Nick at Night for putting this show back on the air and thereby making sure my life can never be calm. I curse you Nick at Night and all th epeople in TV Land!

There is nothing sadder...

than watching a man try to tease the little hair he has left into a contraption that attempts to cover the growing space on his head. Just shave it Bruce Willis style, because you're not fooling anyone.

"I get compliments on my hair all the time."

For more info on this please see my previous blog CLICK HERE

Harris Bloom problem solved

Comedian and buddy Harris Bloom thought he looked like Beatlejuice in a picture he posted here. I fixed his problem.

Is it really that serious?

Friday I went to Philly for the Mets vs. Phillies game. I did not want to go; in fact I think baseball is the most boring sport alive. Any sport where the fans get a break is pretty boring.

The thing that struck me was how hard core the fans were. I don't mean wearing jersey's I mean the hate in their blood.

I was waiting in line for a cheese steak when a Met's fan got in line, well actually he cut. His friend, who is a Phillies fan, held his spot for him and he jumped in line. No problem for me. However the Phillies fans had a huge problem with it. "I hope you die f@ggot!" "I hope you choke on that steak, why don't you just have some of your sh!tty New York pizza instead!" Wow. Is it that serious? It's just a game.

I moved my seat during the game so my wife could talk to one of her coworkers. As she chatted away a Spanish player got up to bat for the Mets. Directly behind me, only one row away, a group of 20 years olds started up. "Go back to your won country Mexican!" "Hey illegal go home! You suck!" I turned around and gave the dude the side eye. They shut up. My whole thing is their racism is not even logical. How can you hate a Spanish player on the Mets yet have a bunch of Spanish players on the Phillies you love. It's baseball! If it was not for minorities (mostly Spanish) there would be no sport, or at least it would not be at the level it is today.

In the end the Mets won. I was even taunted by some Phillies fans for being a New Yorker. I honestly believe that you have to have nothing else going on in your life to be that into sports. If the Mets win or loose, I still have to go to work and pay my bills. If Jose Reyes has a great game I don't get a raise.

Thank God I'm Black

That way it's a guarunteed I will be a famous comic. If you don't believe me take Pauly Shore's word for it (who by the way gets stage time in LA because his mom owns the club, not for his talent.) YOu tell them Weeeezzzle!

I hate Omarosa

For so many reasons, first she lied about someone calling her the N word on the Apprentice. That's really nothing to joke about, and crying wolf only hurts those who are actual victims of hate and hate related crimes. The best was when she was on Oprah and Oprah called her on it, backed her up into a corner and Omarosa basically admitted it did not happen but was called a bitch instead. Oprah's reply, "There is a big difference between bitch and that word."

In any event she has her age listed as 34! Really, because she looks at least 40. I am happy to say she is no longer on Celebrity Apprentice and to be honest she did not deserve to be there. She is not a celebrity. Worse she tried the same stuff that she did before: she insulted the contestants, she lied ("He called me a whore" which never happened.)

She also auditioned for the role of Leather Face
because she needed little make up

The worst part is when she got the boot, she does her little interview in the car as it drives her home and then finishes it off with "PEACE!" and throws up the deuces. WTF? You're 53 34 why are you throwing up the deuce like a 17 year old? Sit your old hurting the struggle cry wolf coon ass down. Hopefully this woman can do her little Playboy spread (you know it's coming, but I doubt anyone wants to see that), and disappear forever.

I honestly think that everytime she does something stupid in some way she is hurting Obama! You know that minorities are all put in one big group, and she's hurting our group.

I'm about believing, she's bout be-weaving.

Resident Evil: Extinction

I rented Resident Evil: Extinction, that was before I knew Ashanti was in it.

I can't sing or act:
I'm f@&king up on two jobs and you ain't got one?

I'm going to cheat on my wife

Well it's not really cheating, she gave me permission. My wife says that if I meet Salma Hayek and she wants to sleep with me then I have her permission to do so.

I've had a crush on Salma way before I ever met my wife. When my wife and I were dating for a year or so, she helped me clean up my house, and by clean up she threw out all my Salma stuff. Granted I was like a 13 year old boy with a poster of her in a bikini in my home office, but come on, she was in Desperado! I liked her so much I own a copy of Banditas, a movie not fit for human eyes.

The thing is my wife says this after Salma just popped out a baby, which is not bad, but the baby daddy is some creepy very old French dude and I can't stop thinking about that. I mean her baby daddy was alive when slavery was an issue. What if his old face pops into my head during the act? That's a deal closer, I'll always know Salma touched some dusty old balls.

This situation also tells me that my wife thinks I couldn't pull Salma! Now granted I don't have the 6 pack anymore, my teeth are a bit yellow, but I still got it! I'm funny and sometimes charming so I think I could get Salma. Clearly my wife doesn't agree. She is so sure I could not get me some Salma that she says, "Go ahead do it, if you can." That's like her saying, "Sure you can go to the strip club on the moon." It's just mocking me.

Get away from me you fat yellow toothed bastard!

I've made it my goal to get with Salma Hayek, and if not I'm putting a wig on Eva Mendez and calling it a night.

Last Comic Standing

Wednesday night I camped out in a weak attempt to live the dream. It can be summed up in two words: never again.

Memorable moments from the line:

Comic A: So how long have you been doing this?
Comic B: I've been writing for 5 or 6 years, but I've only been on stage twice.

The rain starts to come down hard
Female Comic: Man, I'm going home. This is too much
Male Comic: I live a few blocks from here, you can come back to my house.
Female Comic: ummmmmm
Male Comic: You don't have to


In my tent, which was occupied by three male comics
Comic A: This is romantic
Comic B: Yeah it is
Awkward silence


On the train ride home
Comic B: When I said to Comic A he was right, it was romantic I didn't mean it in a "I want to f#ck you" romantic way.
Me: Yeah
Comic B: You know what I mean, romantic like..... nevermind I'm going to shut up.
Me: Yeah.