Now that Obama is Pres., racism is over!!!

Walmart is sketchy

So this guy names his son Adolf Hitler, then he tries to get a birthday cake with "Adolf Hitler" spelledf on it from Shoprite. Shorite tells him to eff off, they're not doing it. Since Shoprite said no, they went to Walmart, and of course Walmart made the cake. Walmart only cares about that dollar. It also turns out the guy requested previously had asked for a swastika to be included in the decoration of his kid's cakes.

The father claims he named his kid Adolf Hitler because he liked the name and because "no one else in the world would have that name" and he says he is not racist. Yeah I believe that, especially since the kids older sister's name is JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

My thing is this, if you're a racist just be a racist. Don't try to back peddle and side step it. I could at least respect that, instead of being a racist and a coward.

I weep for the children

Last night I performed at an open mic. A few comics after I finished another guy went up who I had seen perform a few times before and he was never that funny. I could take him or leave him.

Last night he proceded to do a bit about how Michael Richards called some black people the N word. He then says, "..but they were talking during his set, so calling them niggas was accurate. I hate how niggas get mad when you call them niggas, well then stop acting like a nigga."

Then he says he doesn't date black women because they look like monkeys. "Oprah is pretty monkey-ish, right? Whoopi Goldberg is definately a monkey!" The crowd gave some awkward laughs and myself and the only other black guy in the audience who just happened to sit next to me looked at each other not knowing what to do.

The comic on stage was black. Luckily for him I had already went up.

Serious Post

I live in Brooklyn NY, and I often fear for my life at the hands of the NYPD. If I am in my car and I see their lights, I think to myself "Where is my paperwork?" I want to be prepared. I've had run ins on the street with NYPD and although most of them are nice and try to do their job, some are real jerks who dislike minorities. I got in an argument with a cop once because, as his partner put it 'he was having a bad day.' The only thing that saved me from getting an ass whipping was I threatened to call my lawyer, then the whole conversation changed and the cop walked off cursing at me. I even know a black female officer who when off duty was pulled over and harassed. She asked for the officer’s badge numbers and they got even more belligerent. Then she pulled out her badge and the officer's replied "Oh sorry, didn't know..." As if their behavior was ok otherwise.

In their latest act of idiocy, the NYPD tasered a mentally unstable man, who then fell to his death. Oh yeah, he just happened to be Spanish and live in Bedstuy Brooklyn.

Click Here for details. So sad, and his mother saw it all happen.

Was that racist?

I went to Whole Foods for lunch. The line system works like this: there are three lines using a pool of cashiers. There is a TV with three sections on it, corresponding to each line. When a number comes up and the voice tells you "Line X" you go to line X.

There was a Jewish man in the line next to me (he was even buying matzo). They call line 1 for him and he walks towards it. The cashier is Muslim, she's wearing a hijab. He walks closer, they call a line number for me, line 6. He turns and runs to lane 6. I walk to lane 1 and look at the cashier; she looks at me and gives me an awkward smile. I laugh. What else could I do?

It's not racism so stop saying it is!!!

I know two interracial couples who cry racism at the drop of a hat. "Those people are stairing at us because I'm white and my boyfriend is black, they're racist!" No that's not the case. They're staring because you are an attractive female and your boyfriend is an uglier version of Patrice O'Neal.

Patrice O'Neal:
Very funny? Yes. Beauty pageant winner? Not so much.
Crying racism where there is none just hurts the cause, especially if people are just staring at a case of the uglies.

For those of you who say racism doesn't exist in the US

I offer you this: A picture of a T-Shirt being sold in Atlanta. The owner has sold out of them. My heart weeps for the children.

Seperated at birth?

These 3 guys look alike, at least my wife's family seems to think so:







It seems I did not marry a woman as much as I married a situation.

Customer Service?

I am so glad that my friend Amy was there to hear this phone call or no one would believe it.

Here's the back story. I few months ago I needed new studio quality headphones for my camera so I ordered them through Amazon. Amazon did not directly fill my order but subcontracted out to one of their approved vendors. After waiting 3 weeks with no contant with the seller, and sending numerous emails with no replies I contacted Amazon and tried to cancel my order because I needed them for a shoot that was coming up. I bought them from another source and tried to get my money back. Two weeks later the headphones come in the mail, I try to return them but it will cost me a restocking fee so I keep them as a back up. I of course leave the seller some feedback. I gave them a 3 out of 5 with the following comment, "Item came very late, sent email they did not respond until over a week later. Item did come as described only very late."

Two weeks after that someone calls me and asks if I would change my feedback for a $5 gift certificate to their store. I told them no since I would not shop there again and they could not buy my intergrity for $5. Fastforward to yesterday and the calls goes like this:

Customer Service: (in thick Jamacin accent): Mr Homer, I am calling about the phones you bought from Ace Digital.
Josh: OK.
Customer Service: You left us some feedback and I was wondering if you'd change it
Josh: I'd rather not, I think I was pretty honest
Customer Service: OK
Josh: I mean the item came a month late and I was shooting on a deadline
Customer Service: I understand that Mr Homer, I was not working here when that happened
Josh: I spoke with another girl at your company and she offered my $5, and I don't think you buy my opinion for $5
Customer Service: I understand, but maybe we can work something out. Is there anything you want from us?
Josh: No, I'm not going to order from your store again.
Customer Service: Ok Sir, but maybe we can work something out.
Josh: I'd rather not, I don't want to change what I wrote. I didn't even give you guys bad feedback, just average. I said the stuff was in good condition just super late.
Customer Service: I know, but maybe we can work something out.
Josh: I'm not changing the feedback.

Here's where it goes off the hook!

Customer Service: Maybe I can give you more than the $5.
Josh: No thanks
Customer Service: Is it because you're Jewish, you want more.
Josh: What?
Customer Service: You're Jewish right?
Josh: No, I'm black.
Customer Service: Oh, Joshua is a Jewish name
Josh: I know, but I am black
Customer Service: ha ha, you even sound like them.
Josh: What?
Customer Service: You have their accent
Josh: I have a Jersey accent. That's where I am from.
Customer Service: I did not mean to offend you, we can still work something out.
Josh: No thanks.
Customer Service: I'm just saying this is the last day I can offer you that deal.
Josh: Yeah sure, I understand.
Customer Service: Just letting you know.
Josh: No thanks.
Customer Service: Ok.
*CLICK*

Seriously, WTF? Amy was right there listening to the whole thing (well at least my side). We discussed it on the ride up to CT. What did this black dude expect another black dude to sound like, the stupid racist impression that some white comics do where ever other word out my mouth is mother fucker or the N word? As pissed as I was I still laughed my ass off with Amy. If I wasn't a comedian with comedian friends I would have stabbed a mother f*cker a long time ago, word son.

Safe hate is the worst kind.

Thank God I'm Black

That way it's a guarunteed I will be a famous comic. If you don't believe me take Pauly Shore's word for it (who by the way gets stage time in LA because his mom owns the club, not for his talent.) YOu tell them Weeeezzzle!

$6 million for some babies?

So J.Lo dropped her babies like a mix tape. She had a boy and a girl. The thing is she sold the pictures of the kids for $6 million dollars! I may be a racist but I think this is the first time anyone has paid millions to see some Peurto Rican kids, they're a dime a dozen. They're not rare, if I go to the Bronx I can't walk 3 feet without tripping over one. (I can say racist stuff like that because I'm a minority. Eat your heart out white dudes)

JLo: These babies are keeping me relevant,
because my movies and music sure aren't.
Mark Anthony: And by drinking their blood,
I might not look like I'm dying!

Help Me Keep Dog the Bounty Hunter off TV

In Nov 2007, Duane "Dog" Chapman was caught saying some of the most racist things I've heard in a long time. Not just using the "N word" to describe his son's fiance, but telling him he needs to 'get her out of his life' because she is African American. His show was taken off the air. However, the show made a lot of money for A&E so they are trying to bring it back under the cover of night.
Take a minute read the petition (it has the transcript of his racist conversation in it), sign it and pass it on to everyone you know.


CLICK HERE for the petition.


I hate n!ggers, oh wait was that on tape?
Because then I tottally didn't mean it.