"The Bachelor" "Jason Meznick" and maybe "Jimmy Kimmel" (or is it Jason Mesnick?)

A blogger friend of mine mentioned how hot the topic of the TV show The Bachelor" is right now. He also mentioned that the finale was a let down. My thought is, "You watch the Bachelor?"

Man up.

I agree Mr. Greer

Usually I think David Alan Greer is a bit on the "coony" side. The Yale School of Drama graduate always seems to play "scared negreo #4" in whatever movie he is in (Exhibit A: Jumanji). However he sometimes hits the nail on the head with his new TV show called Chocolate News on Comedy Central. Granted I was a little bit jealous of this one as I had a similar idea that I was working on with another comic, but that jealousy subsided when I watched this clip (I know my talent could not have done the bit the justice which Mr. Greer did it. However he is still on my Coon Suspect list.)

I weep for the children

Last night I performed at an open mic. A few comics after I finished another guy went up who I had seen perform a few times before and he was never that funny. I could take him or leave him.

Last night he proceded to do a bit about how Michael Richards called some black people the N word. He then says, "..but they were talking during his set, so calling them niggas was accurate. I hate how niggas get mad when you call them niggas, well then stop acting like a nigga."

Then he says he doesn't date black women because they look like monkeys. "Oprah is pretty monkey-ish, right? Whoopi Goldberg is definately a monkey!" The crowd gave some awkward laughs and myself and the only other black guy in the audience who just happened to sit next to me looked at each other not knowing what to do.

The comic on stage was black. Luckily for him I had already went up.

I was quoted in the NY Times

It was an article about stand up comedy classes and their benefit (or lack there of) written by Peter Keepnews. Although I am quoted as viewing the classes in a positive light, I also said during the interview that you can't be taught to be funny (but that part landed on the cutting room floor). You can be taught the mechanics of a joke, but you can't be taught what a joke is. Stand up is an art and a science, the science you can learn; the art, not so much.

Click Here for the article.

I guess I was never funny, until now

Because I was on TV a few people have called me or emailed me telling me that I was never funny when I worked with them or went to school with them. I was always funny! It's just that no one paid me to do it until now. Whatever.

Tonight's the night!

Tonight I make my comedy television debut! 10 PM Comedy Central's Live at Gotham.
So while you're enjoying my comedy along with the comedy of the other people on the show I'll be at my house watching it with my wife, and her brother and his wife, and his in-laws worrying more about if they will be offended by my jokes instead of relaxing and enjoying my once in a life time TV debut. But I hear the bought me a present, hopefully X Box 360. Good times.

Oh the racism, it hurts

So I did an open mic last night and a comic did the following joke, which got applause.

So did everyone see the Obama speech? Did you see the very end? Obama said, "I can't wait to knock the bottom off some white bitches"

Yes that's what Obama said, and I think Hilary said, "Oh my period is crazy" then McCain said, "I've fallen and I can't get up."

This "comic's" joke offended me for a few reasons. Number 1 it's based in racism, and not the good kind. Number 2 the audience laughed, come on guys that wasn’t even a real joke. Number 3 the joke is lazy, you're basically relying on preexisting stereotypes. Furthermoew if you think Obama who was the first black president of the Harvard Law Review did not already "bang the bottom off some white bitches" then you are very nieve. Man, I hate comics.

Maybe I will make it after all

This year I had to hire an accountant. It's not that I'm making a bunch of money on comedy (I'm still in the red), but because of all the special deductions I have now (home office, car, video equipment etc) from being a comic. I do earn some money, and I've actually earned more in 2008 so far than I earned in all of 2007.

The point is I go to my accountant and drop off my expences, bills, earnings etc and he asks me about comedy, what I'm doing, where can he see me, things like that. I tell him and he follows it up with, "You know that's how accountants get rich. They hook up with a client who is about to make it big and then bam, the accoutant is rich too. So Josh this will be your year, keep working on that sitcom." Nice.

Where the hell is Josh?

Usually I update every day, but I'm busy. I apologize to my faithful fan. I might be on TV in the near future, and one of the things that happens is you have to type out everything word for word of what you will say. Then this document is sent to the folks over at Standards and Practices, another copy is sent to the FCC, and yet another copy is sent to a group of lawyers to ensure that what you say will not open the network up to legal action. Each group makes notes and sends you a list of things you can do, thing you can't do and things you can do but just not in their current form.

As such I'm in the process of fact checking (I need to provide a legal document showing that a group I talk about has an opinion I say they do), rewriting, and just generally agonizing. And yes, it's as fun as it sounds.

The regular comedy blog will continue soon.

Realization part 2

"How much time you doing?" is a term used only in comedy and prison.

OK, we need you to do a clean 5 minutes,
then we rape you.

Auditions

So I had an audition today. It was my first for a movie, they needed comedians, black comedians. I've auditioned for TV shows, some TV ads but never a movie. I'll let you in on a secret: they're all the same. You get your lines ahead of time, show up, wait around, go in a room with 2 or more people, say your name into a camera and then start reading.

This time they were auditioning kids in the other room, but we all shared the same waiting room. I learned that I never want to have a kid who is a child actor. The kids (all except one red haired kid) seemed maladjusted. The acted as if they had no childhood. One kid who was 9 going on 10 told another child and his mom that he didn't understand why kids his age don't like reading Moby Dick because it's a good book. Age 9?!?!?! At 9 I was just discovering my mody dick, and it was a page turner.

The audition gets even creepier for the kids. They go in the audition room by themselves behind a curtain so the other kids, and the parents can not see. A camera? A child away from his parents? The child looking to please the auditioners? This screams of the Bicycle man from Different Strokes. If they ask you to play safari run for the hills kid!



Back to me, I don't think I got the part. While reading the part that was clearly written for a young Faizon Love I slipped into my "Coon" voice. A voice I do to mock people like Flava Flav. I guess I thought the character was worthy of the voice. The character was a black sidekick to a Van Wilder type. He basically says "Yes boss" to Van the whole movie. Oh well, I still would do the movie. I don't think of it as selling out but buying in. Rent is due.

Fazion Love: You might remember him from such classics as "Who's You Caddy?", "3 Strikes" and "The Players Club"

In his defence though Faizon Love turned down Soul Plane because he felt it was too much. Even Mr. Love can recognize some real coonery a bafoonery.

Words of wisdom from my wife

While walking to the train today with my wife, she says she noticed I was a little upset about Last Comic Standing. We talk a bit about it and I mention a comic who made it to the show who really does not do jokes but has a well defined character. Her reply, "See Josh that's your problem, you concentrate too much on your writing. It's about characters, that's what people want." Right then Dane Cook smiled.

Last Comic Standing

Wednesday night I camped out in a weak attempt to live the dream. It can be summed up in two words: never again.

Memorable moments from the line:

Comic A: So how long have you been doing this?
Comic B: I've been writing for 5 or 6 years, but I've only been on stage twice.

The rain starts to come down hard
Female Comic: Man, I'm going home. This is too much
Male Comic: I live a few blocks from here, you can come back to my house.
Female Comic: ummmmmm
Male Comic: You don't have to


In my tent, which was occupied by three male comics
Comic A: This is romantic
Comic B: Yeah it is
Awkward silence


On the train ride home
Comic B: When I said to Comic A he was right, it was romantic I didn't mean it in a "I want to f#ck you" romantic way.
Me: Yeah
Comic B: You know what I mean, romantic like..... nevermind I'm going to shut up.
Me: Yeah.