I hate Omarosa

For so many reasons, first she lied about someone calling her the N word on the Apprentice. That's really nothing to joke about, and crying wolf only hurts those who are actual victims of hate and hate related crimes. The best was when she was on Oprah and Oprah called her on it, backed her up into a corner and Omarosa basically admitted it did not happen but was called a bitch instead. Oprah's reply, "There is a big difference between bitch and that word."

In any event she has her age listed as 34! Really, because she looks at least 40. I am happy to say she is no longer on Celebrity Apprentice and to be honest she did not deserve to be there. She is not a celebrity. Worse she tried the same stuff that she did before: she insulted the contestants, she lied ("He called me a whore" which never happened.)

She also auditioned for the role of Leather Face
because she needed little make up

The worst part is when she got the boot, she does her little interview in the car as it drives her home and then finishes it off with "PEACE!" and throws up the deuces. WTF? You're 53 34 why are you throwing up the deuce like a 17 year old? Sit your old hurting the struggle cry wolf coon ass down. Hopefully this woman can do her little Playboy spread (you know it's coming, but I doubt anyone wants to see that), and disappear forever.

I honestly think that everytime she does something stupid in some way she is hurting Obama! You know that minorities are all put in one big group, and she's hurting our group.

I'm about believing, she's bout be-weaving.

Only in New York City

So I'm walking from SoHo to the Lower East Side in Manhattan. The path leads me past Whole Foods, an "upscale" grocery that even has a singles night. As I am walking by I notice a man and woman arguing in front of the supermarket, well more him just yelling at her.

Dude: I can't believe you got some dudes number right in front of me!

Girl: He's a coworker, I wasn't trying to...

Dude: Bitch, you don't need no coworkers number!

He then mushes the girl in the face! The girl immediately walks away.
Remember Jigga and his infamous lady punch?

If that wasn't crazy enough a dude steps in. Now this guy is about 6 foot 5 inches tall, but more importantly he has what looks to be a 14 month old kid on his shoulders.

Tall Dude: Whoa buddy! There's no need for that.

Dude: Mind your own fucking business!

Tall Dude: This is my business, you're on the street.


Then the short hitter dude runs off, I can only assume he runs off to get his girl. The thing is you know this is not the first time he's given her a knuckle sandwich, so more than likely they are still together today. The crazy part was the kid on the shoulders. I can understand wanting to stand up for the girl, I mean I was going to say something but as I took my ear buds out my ear Tall Dad jumped in immediately. But he should have thought of that kid. If something did pop off, that little kid would have fallen from over 6 feet in the air. It would have been a wrap for your son, all for some chick who probably wouldn't have even cared.

Maybe the son was the spotter. "Dad look over there, it's injustice!" The kid is the brains and the father is the braun. It would have really been funny if a fight actually broke out and the dad used the little kid as a bat! Oh well. All I know is I was ready to do something if it did pop off. This is one of many street altercations I've seen in the city (The funniest was a fight on Canal St. between two African street venders. This one came to blows and a chair was used. It was like a WWE cage match).

Side Bar - Never try to break up a fight between couples. The end result is both of them start hitting you. I speak from experience.

Maybe I will make it after all

This year I had to hire an accountant. It's not that I'm making a bunch of money on comedy (I'm still in the red), but because of all the special deductions I have now (home office, car, video equipment etc) from being a comic. I do earn some money, and I've actually earned more in 2008 so far than I earned in all of 2007.

The point is I go to my accountant and drop off my expences, bills, earnings etc and he asks me about comedy, what I'm doing, where can he see me, things like that. I tell him and he follows it up with, "You know that's how accountants get rich. They hook up with a client who is about to make it big and then bam, the accoutant is rich too. So Josh this will be your year, keep working on that sitcom." Nice.

Realization

It's very hard to follow all the rules of any religion. Except maybe Catholicism where you can break any rule then just confess. It's like dry snitching on yourself then given immunity. But I digress. The key is following any strict set of rules is hard. That's why there are so many religious lawyers.

When people break a religious rule they are quick to scan the bible, Q'aran, Talmud or whatever book they use to find a way to make sure their sin is either forgiven or that the religious book in question is either vague on the rule or there is an exception. Some people even look to put some blame on the big man upstairs. "Yeah I coveted my neighbor's wife, but man that bitch is fine. If God didn't want me looking he wouldn't have made her so tempting."

I say all this to point out that the main people who are following their religion religiously are people who are crazy. That man on the train screaming about how Jesus is good, probably is not cheating on his wife. That woman with the billboard in Times Square telling us to be ready because Jesus is coming back next Tuesday at 5:43 PM probably isn't a thief. The point is this, if you make it to heaven it's going to be filled with crazies. That dude who smells like fish ass and rotten milk but is on the street telling you to repent might be there. Me, not so much.
See you in heaven!

Then there are those who speak in tongues. Now I don't want to crap on anyone's religious views but really? Speaking in tongues? For those of you who don't know, speaking in tongues is when someone becomes so full of the Holy Spirit or gin, that they start shaking and talking in the language of God. It sounds like pure gobbledygook. The theory is God is speaking through them; the problem is no one can understand it but them. Now God is a pretty important guy, more important than Bill Gates or the guy who owns Ikea. So what he has to say is pretty damn important too. I'm sure he doesn't want his message to be misinterpreted. I mean what if a tongue speaker says, "wjogjhgjb juion sdf" and that means 'Be kind to your neighbor' but someone hears "wjoKUIJB juion sdf" which means "Kill your neighbor." Why doesn't God just say it in English, I'm pretty sure He knows English, and I think French too.

When he starts speaking in tongues people die

He might become a real Ghost!

Sad news guys: Patrick Swayze has cancer. The Enquirer (great news source) says he only has five weeks to live. Such as sad story. Swayze, whose name inspired the "urban" phrase "I'm Swayze." This phrase was used to mean "I'm leaving." It's derived from the phrase "I'm ghost."

Patrick Swayze: Urban Slang Legend

This is not the first time cancer has tried to take one of my childhood heroes. Perhaps you remember a little guy by the name of Mr. T! Yeah that's right, cancer tried to take him from this earth. However cancer made one mistake. When cancer almost had Mr. T beaten, it locked him up in a shed that had tools, old scuba tanks, and a tractor. During a montage scene while "Eye of the Tiger" played, the T built a huge machine that shot out telephone poles and ran cancer out of town. Hopefully Swayze can follow his lead.

It's T time, and by that I mean it's time for an ass whipping.

A Raisin in the Sun

So I DVR'd A Raisin in the Sun and then watched it over the weekend. It was laughable. Now I'm a fan of the play, the original movie, the theme, the message, you name it. However this latest manifestation was horrible. I blame a few people, most of all Diddy.

Now I get that he wants to be an actor now, but he's not up to the level of actor to pull of a complex role like that. He however was executive producer of the movie, so he can cast who he likes. He unfortunately did not cast the best actor for the part, just his favorite one.

Secondly Sanaa Lathan was cast as Diddy's younger sister. Stop the presses Sanaa is fine as frog's hair, but she is pushing 40, and playing a girl who is 19 or 20. It did not work. Now my friend Jossette argued that Stacey Dash played a high school senior when she was 29. True. However Stacey looked the part. She looked young and sounded young. Sanaa did not. Her acting was supurb, her age was not.

I know I can play young characters.
In Alien 5 I'm going to play a fetus.

Again Diddy's character of Walter Lee is about 25, but Diddy is 40! If a 25 year old dude gets taken in a confidence scam, that's bad, but if a 40 year old dude gets taken in the same scam that's laughable. He deserves it. Secondly the story is a coming of age tale, at 40 you should have come of age a long time ago.

Never, ever trust a man with a well manicured mustache.

Luckily for Diddy, Phylicia Rashad and Audra McDonald had stellar performances. They saved what was otherwise a 3 hour turd (why did they stretch out the story for three hours?). Even John Stamos delivered on his supporting role as the racist neighbor. The performances of Stamos, Rashad, and McDonald only highlighted the inadequacy of Diddy's lackluster performance. (Also note that Sanaa looked as old if not older than McDonald!!!! Bad casting. You could have easily called Stacey Dash, her calendar is wide open.)

Heath Ledger remembered

So it's magazine time, the time of the month when more magazines come out. I look through one and see yet another tribute to Heath Ledger. What I don't see is a tribute to Brad Renfro. He died too. What about Roy Scheider? Nope nothing. Oh well it looks like Hollywood plays favorites.

Remember me? That's not a question,
as much as it is a request. I died too you know,
from drugs too, just like Heath! Apt Pupil!

To keep up with Hollywaood I will tell a story not about Brad or Roy, but Heath, this is a true story. A person I know, let's call him Todd, was at an event (dinner of sorts) seated at table with Heath. The event goes on for a few hours, they eat, they drink, they relax. Todd, who is spanish with a caramel complexion, gets up to use the rest room. He comes back and Heath says, "Oh can you bring some waters for the table and clear some of the dishes away. Thank you." Todd replies, "I don't work here." Heath, "Oh, sorry."

The irony is that Heath sat at a table with Todd for hours.

Hey brown guy, can you get me some more crackers?