So I did an open mic last night and a comic did the following joke, which got applause.
So did everyone see the Obama speech? Did you see the very end? Obama said, "I can't wait to knock the bottom off some white bitches"
Yes that's what Obama said, and I think Hilary said, "Oh my period is crazy" then McCain said, "I've fallen and I can't get up."
This "comic's" joke offended me for a few reasons. Number 1 it's based in racism, and not the good kind. Number 2 the audience laughed, come on guys that wasn’t even a real joke. Number 3 the joke is lazy, you're basically relying on preexisting stereotypes. Furthermoew if you think Obama who was the first black president of the Harvard Law Review did not already "bang the bottom off some white bitches" then you are very nieve. Man, I hate comics.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Obama
So I am auditioning for a commercial for the man who shares my name tomorrow night. I do what I can to help support light skinned black dudes, we got to stick together. Light Black Actors.
Conversation with my wife
While discussing some money that is owed to my wife by her job and when it's coming to her we had the following exchange.
Wife: That's a nice chunk of change to put away
Me: That can buy a wii and an xbox 360
Wife: That's why i'm obsessed with [Client X] paying
Wife: If you buy a new xbox, can you donate the old one then?
Me: Donate? poor people don't need xbox!
Wife: I just don't want all these gaming systems cluttering our house and why wouldn't poor people want xbox, it would be better than having the kids on the streets
Bless my wife's heart. She means well but it's obvious she has never really been poor. I could donate the XBox to the Salvation Army and they would sell it for 1/4 of what it's worth and then give the $25 to the poor. However I doubt homeless Bob needs to play Halo. Maybe I would need to donate my TV as well, and perhaps an extension cord. Someone else will have to donate the electricity.
Wife: That's a nice chunk of change to put away
Me: That can buy a wii and an xbox 360
Wife: That's why i'm obsessed with [Client X] paying
Wife: If you buy a new xbox, can you donate the old one then?
Me: Donate? poor people don't need xbox!
Wife: I just don't want all these gaming systems cluttering our house and why wouldn't poor people want xbox, it would be better than having the kids on the streets
Bless my wife's heart. She means well but it's obvious she has never really been poor. I could donate the XBox to the Salvation Army and they would sell it for 1/4 of what it's worth and then give the $25 to the poor. However I doubt homeless Bob needs to play Halo. Maybe I would need to donate my TV as well, and perhaps an extension cord. Someone else will have to donate the electricity.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Only in New York City 2
While walking to pick up my lunch from whole foods (the spot where this took place CLICK) an ambulance comes. It's sirens are loud, it;s lights are flashing but cars are not moving out of it's way, in particular the taxis DGAF (that stands for don't give a f$&K). This causes the ambulance to get even louder.
I am walking and a kid screws out, "Enough already with the noise, just let the dude die already." Only in New York.
I am walking and a kid screws out, "Enough already with the noise, just let the dude die already." Only in New York.
Double standard
So I've wanted an XBOX 360 for a while now. I need to finish out the Halo trilogy. My wife has always given me crap for it. She says I'm an adult and shouldn't play video games, or we can't afford an XBOX 360 (which is a total lie), or some crap like that. But I will get one, it's just a matter of time (maybe I'll spen my Comedy Central money on it! Looks like I might get a plasma TV and a 360 with MY money.)
Here's the double standard: my wife wants to get a Wii! She wants me to buy one and asked me to pick it up. That's some BS if you ask me. The Wii even costs more. Now I hear from many people that the Wii is great and the physical activity needed to play the games sets it apart from others (Back to the Future II quote: You mean you have to use your hands? That's like a baby's toy! Shout out to Joe Jessup).
It is true what Sir Paul McCartney said during his divorce hearings, "No one tells the wife what to do." As proof Heather Mills poured water on Paul's lawyer after she was awarded $50 Million in the divorce. I wonder if his lawyer will sue, personally I would have swung on her. Now I'm not pro woman beating, but pouring water on you is preety bad, unless it's in a rap video and you're getting paid for it. I would have kicked Heather's wooden leg out from under her. But I digress, the $50 million is a lot of money for 4 years of marraige. Thats about $1,400 an hour for the entire time they were married. That could buy a lot of XBOX 360s or at least some Wii's.
Heather now that you actually have money of your own what are you going to do?
I'm going to play Dance Dance revolution!
Get off on the good foot!
Here's the double standard: my wife wants to get a Wii! She wants me to buy one and asked me to pick it up. That's some BS if you ask me. The Wii even costs more. Now I hear from many people that the Wii is great and the physical activity needed to play the games sets it apart from others (Back to the Future II quote: You mean you have to use your hands? That's like a baby's toy! Shout out to Joe Jessup).
It is true what Sir Paul McCartney said during his divorce hearings, "No one tells the wife what to do." As proof Heather Mills poured water on Paul's lawyer after she was awarded $50 Million in the divorce. I wonder if his lawyer will sue, personally I would have swung on her. Now I'm not pro woman beating, but pouring water on you is preety bad, unless it's in a rap video and you're getting paid for it. I would have kicked Heather's wooden leg out from under her. But I digress, the $50 million is a lot of money for 4 years of marraige. Thats about $1,400 an hour for the entire time they were married. That could buy a lot of XBOX 360s or at least some Wii's.
I'm going to play Dance Dance revolution!
Get off on the good foot!
Back from Virginia
Guess who's back? Me. I went to Springfield VA to visit my niece for the first time. She's three months old. Now before you go and say I'm a bad uncle let me just say we tried to get down there as soon as the kid was born. Then our car broke down (the water pump went out), then I had to film some TV stuff. Let's just say lots of stuff happened all at once.
Anyway, here's some pics of my neice.
My raw beauty made her cry
She was sleepy, but still had a kung fu grip
At 3 months she has reverse male pattern baldness
I hope my wife doesn't get any ideas.
Babies are dream killers
What babies do best.
It was a good trip. I got to see the new family addition and my brother's 54 inch plasma TV, which he has a PS3 hooked up to it (that means Blu-Ray DVDs, which BTW have amazing picture quality). He has a full home theater system hooked up. I'm not trying to take anything away from the kid, miracle of life and all, but the TV was amazing and it didn't throw up on my shirt.
Anyway, here's some pics of my neice.
Babies are dream killers
It was a good trip. I got to see the new family addition and my brother's 54 inch plasma TV, which he has a PS3 hooked up to it (that means Blu-Ray DVDs, which BTW have amazing picture quality). He has a full home theater system hooked up. I'm not trying to take anything away from the kid, miracle of life and all, but the TV was amazing and it didn't throw up on my shirt.
Friday, March 14, 2008
The Chris Rock Tapes
I'm not talking about Big Ass Jokes, Bigger and Blacker or even Bring the Pain. I'm talking about the 31 minute tape of Chris Rock talking to a private investigator about the woman who tried to set him up.
Here's the backstory. Chris Rock and his wife were seperated for a minute. During that time he slept with a woman (a white woman), who wiped his "DNA" off with a tissue then put it in the freezer for a year, and then got impregnated by her African boyfriend and claimed the little mixed baby was Rock's.
The bad news is Rock actually paid the woman some money to keep her quite at first, but when she demanded more he refused. She then went to the police and claimed Rock raped her. Ouch!
How much for a baby? $50,000?!?!?!
Ok OK, how bout this put it in my hand for 15 cent.
Accussing a dude of rape because he did not pay out in your extortion scheme is pretty low. Even the mention of the word rape can end someone's career. Oh well, it seems that celebrity brings drama, or as they say on the streets, "Mo money, mo problems."
Personally I can't wait for the day that white women everywhere throw themselves at me. I'd be like, "Hell no, I'm married but I'm also sleeping with Salma Hayek." Because my wife says I can. Salma call me.
I leave you with some highlights of the Rock tapes.
Rock: I know the night we went to the Ivy she had on white pants. I only noticed cause my wife's real classy and subdued and I'm out with a girl with big tits and white pants. It's just, I know people were like, 'heeey'.
PI (reading from police report): "He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket."
Rock: I've been so set up...[Josh Note: What was your first clue? Was it the kleenex in the freezer or the model that wanted to sleep with Chris Rock?]
PI: Did you come on her thighs?...
Rock: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass. [Josh Note: Imagine having to say this in court, in front of your wife]
Here's the backstory. Chris Rock and his wife were seperated for a minute. During that time he slept with a woman (a white woman), who wiped his "DNA" off with a tissue then put it in the freezer for a year, and then got impregnated by her African boyfriend and claimed the little mixed baby was Rock's.
The bad news is Rock actually paid the woman some money to keep her quite at first, but when she demanded more he refused. She then went to the police and claimed Rock raped her. Ouch!
Ok OK, how bout this put it in my hand for 15 cent.
Accussing a dude of rape because he did not pay out in your extortion scheme is pretty low. Even the mention of the word rape can end someone's career. Oh well, it seems that celebrity brings drama, or as they say on the streets, "Mo money, mo problems."
Personally I can't wait for the day that white women everywhere throw themselves at me. I'd be like, "Hell no, I'm married but I'm also sleeping with Salma Hayek." Because my wife says I can. Salma call me.
I leave you with some highlights of the Rock tapes.
Rock: I know the night we went to the Ivy she had on white pants. I only noticed cause my wife's real classy and subdued and I'm out with a girl with big tits and white pants. It's just, I know people were like, 'heeey'.
PI (reading from police report): "He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket."
Rock: I've been so set up...[Josh Note: What was your first clue? Was it the kleenex in the freezer or the model that wanted to sleep with Chris Rock?]
PI: Did you come on her thighs?...
Rock: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass. [Josh Note: Imagine having to say this in court, in front of your wife]
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