Sex sells, I guess

For years sex has been used to sell everything, but the new Arby's commercial comes off more as creepy. See for yourself.


I like how the hat pops up at the end to let you know he's got a boner. The commercial creeps me out, like this dude has chopped up a bunch of women and made an Arby's uniform out of human flesh. "It put's the Arby's sauce in the basket!"

Needless to say, I am never eating at Arby's.

No Mister

We all know Hollywood is doing remakes of older movies because they have no new ideas and/or they are not willing to take a chance on anything new (See The Day the Earth Stood Still or Starsky & Hutch.) However you could always count on a least different actors. Not anymore. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Yes Man or as I like to call it Liar Liar 2.

Haven't we seen the exact same plot but with a different reason to explain it? No Josh there is a difference, that Jim Carrey had to tell the truth and this Jim Carrey has to say yes to everything. Oh yeah, then which movie is this picture from?

"Did you eat my food that I had in the company fridge?"
He either has to tell the truth or say yes.

I'm not buying it

There is a new trend in New York; kids on the street claiming to be homeless and asking for my money. The only problem is I don't buy it. The kid out today begging looked to be around 20, but he had product in his hair! How the eff you are begging for money and you've got a faux-hawk all hair sprayed up? There are no rips in your jeans that you did not put there! There is one kid who begs everynight has a pea-coat! I have never been able to affort a pea-coat! Eff you kid.

Spare some change? We're like totally homeless and shit.

What a waste

About 2 months ago Facebook offered free Obama buttons to the first 10,000 (or was it 1,000 or maybe 100,000. Who cares?) who replied. After waiing 6 to 8 weeks, my button arrived yesterday in a HUGE package.

Captian Obvious

So People Magazine reportedly payed Clay Aiken $500,000 for the story that he is gay. I wonder if I ever make will they be willing to pay me $500,000 for the inside scoop that I'm black.

I don't understand

Today I saw a blind woman with a tattoo. It wasn't even in raised text.

Never buy a bright yellow garment bag

I think it says to the baggage people "Come on, I dare you."

I'm not very religious

Well, let me clarify: I don't really believe too heavily in organized religion. To me it's just another way to get your money. I believe in the old Chuck D saying, "There's a church and a liquor store on every corner, and both want your money and your soul."

I mean between the Church priests touching little boys, the rampant riches gained by "men of God", religious wars, and the fact that religion is used to divide people up instead of bring them together I think it's lost it original purpose, which was to unite people. So I believe in God, I'm a good person, and I try to live my life like God is looking over my shoulder.

One of the things that let you know some churches and people are full of BS is gospel choirs. The choirs themselves are not bad; they are a tool for people to praise God, which is A-OK in my book. The hypocrisy comes in when the choir director says everything is for the glory of God yet names the choir after himself! Yes you Kirk Franklin.

God was my stylist on this photo shoot

You're not giving glory to God by wearing Prada suits and going to red carpet premieres. In my neighborhood there are 4 churches on one block. The question is which Church is God in? I mean they are all fighting for members (and their money) so who does God support? I guess he must support the big church on the corner because their pastor has a Mercedes.

Chris Rock tickets

So I bought a pair of Chris Rock tickets for me and my wife. The next day he walks into a club I am supposed to work at, does 35 minutes on stage for free and bumps me off the show. If only I waited one day, I could have saved $150.

I spent your $150 on the CB4 special addition DVD.
Now turn around and eat your big ass bisquit!

New York sometimes pisses me off

I had an audition this morning, well it was an open call. What that means is a bunch of people show up, wait in line and then "audition". My audition went well (or so I think). Here's how it went down.

I got there around 9 AM and met up with Harris Bloom had had been there since about 8. He was first in line, I was 5th. We chat it up, get cold, as more comics arrive. (Harris was nice enough to buy me a hot chocolate). I usually eat some fruit for breakfast, purchased from one of the many the fruit stands in SoHo. The apple cost me 50 cents. But today I missed my breakfast and I was near times square. I bought an apple and it cost me $1.50! GOD DAMN. YOU can get a half pound of apples for that price at PathMark.

An apple a day will make you broke

The 11 AM start time rolls around and I'm ready. Then a comic who I started with shows up. I run to the back of the line and say hello and ask him for my Chris Rock and Jerry Sienfeld CD's back (He's had them for over 2 years! Don't let Ed Pudup borrow your comedy CDs)
A soon as we start talking they start letting people in, I try to run back to my position in line but it's too late. They shut the door on me. Oh well I learned my lesson. The funny thing is before I went to talk to Ed, I said out loud, "Oh crap there's Ed Pudup, I should go talk to him but they may start moving the line."

In any event I laughed it off and waited out it the cold for the next 10 comics to be let in. Once we got inside I signed the sheet and was comic number 12 of the day, not bad. However, I was a little antsy from not being able left out in the cold for an additional 10 minutes.

You're supposed to do 2 to 3 minutes of material for the two judges, there is one other person in the room who sits in the back and you can't really see them. My time comes I go in the room and here's how it goes down:

Judge 1: Hey

Judge 2: Hey, so what's your name?

Me: Josh Homer

Judge 2: So where you from

Me: Brooklyn, but originally from New Jersey

Judge 2: Brooklyn by way of dirty Jersey, nice. So how long have you been doing this?

Me: About 4 and half years (pause) but closer to five.

Judge 1: Ok lets here it

Me: You don't want to hear my credits or anything?

Judge 1: Nah, that's ok.

Me: Ok here we go......

I then tell ONE joke and the judges love it, they even laugh at the setup.

Me: (as the judges are laughing) So is there anything else you need from me or are we good?

Judge 1: (laughing) No man, you're good, you can leave.

Judge 2: You can get out of here.

Me: Alright later dudes. (walks off stage and out the door)


Maybe they will call me, maybe they will not.
Moral of the story: I'm an ass.