Protesting done wrong

I don't know how many people followed the Take Back NYU protest, where a bunch of kids took over the food court for two days. I had to walk past this crap on my way home from class. They wanted outrageous demands like for NYU to open it’s books, for NYU to get involved in the Gaza conflict (“We’ll send our crack team of flashlight security guards there right now!"), and more use of the library. Oh stupid kids.

In the video below, after NYU heads had enough of this childish crap, they walked right past the “barricades” the protesters put up.

In the video I noticed the following things said by the protesters:

• “We’re trying to do this as a democracy” – No you’re not, you took over a food court. The definition of that is not democracy but actually terrorism.
  
• To the incoming security guards: "You can’t come here this is NYU student free space” – Ummmm, no it’s not. It’s space OWNED by NYU and students are allowed to use it. Because you go to a school does not mean you own real-estate.
• “Brutality! You’re on camera” – This is said to security guards as they are walking away!
• “You may not detain us!” – Actually they can, you’re trespassing, you’re breaking the law. You can be arrested.
• From one protester to another: “We’re using consensus as to how we will proceed” – Ummm, no you’re not, you’re just stalling before the cops that have you surrounded arrest you. You were NEVER in control. The administration let you play a game that they could have ended anytime they felt like it, and they did.

I understand that NYU wanted to avoid looking like the bad guy, so they allowed the kids to play their little protest game, but if I were in charge I would have just had the police clear them out the first night. All in all this was not a real protest, but just something that a 40 year old man can look back and say, “Remember that time we took over the food court? That was awesome.”

Serious Post

I live in Brooklyn NY, and I often fear for my life at the hands of the NYPD. If I am in my car and I see their lights, I think to myself "Where is my paperwork?" I want to be prepared. I've had run ins on the street with NYPD and although most of them are nice and try to do their job, some are real jerks who dislike minorities. I got in an argument with a cop once because, as his partner put it 'he was having a bad day.' The only thing that saved me from getting an ass whipping was I threatened to call my lawyer, then the whole conversation changed and the cop walked off cursing at me. I even know a black female officer who when off duty was pulled over and harassed. She asked for the officer’s badge numbers and they got even more belligerent. Then she pulled out her badge and the officer's replied "Oh sorry, didn't know..." As if their behavior was ok otherwise.

In their latest act of idiocy, the NYPD tasered a mentally unstable man, who then fell to his death. Oh yeah, he just happened to be Spanish and live in Bedstuy Brooklyn.

Click Here for details. So sad, and his mother saw it all happen.

My Neighborhood's a changin'

So this morning I wake up and headed out to the gym at 7 AM. I open the front door to my brownstone and there sits a drunk dude on the stoop with a little booze in a snapple bottle. He asks me if I live in the first floor apartment. I say I do and I ask why. (Already to much information given to a person who could be a potential problem) He says because he used to know a girl who lived in that apartment, then he asked me if I knew the people who lived there before me. I say yes but say it was not a woman (It was a French woman and an English dude with two kids who were dirty as hell.) I know it sounds like I should not even engage this dude, but I want to try to get a feeling for where he is mentally and if my family is in danger.

So after talking to him, I leave, and call the cops. (The 311 operator seemed like she did not want to be bothered, but the 911 operator was like "I'll send a car right away") But the key to showing how my neighborhood has changed is the cops showed up in about 15 minutes. In the past the cops would not come to your house unless you told them another cop was shot or they heard a crime being commited while you were on the phone.

I think it also might have helped my case when I left my name with the police. Click HERE to see how.

PS - the 311 operator asked me if the homeless man was black, spanish, or white.

No cell phones while driving in NYC

You're not allowed to talk on your cell in NEw York (or New Jersey) unless you have the blue tooth ear piece that makes you look like an extra from Star Trek.

"Hello? Is this a Klingon? Hello? I can't, what?....
man this Spint service sucks"

They say that talking without a hands free device can interfere with your driving and you could cause an accident. I say they just want something else to ticket you for. Why do I say this? Yesterday I left work early and had to drive to Jersey. While waiting to get into the Holland Tunnel the guy in the SUV in front of me (with PA plates) pulled out his guitar and started playing while he drove! He had the arm of the guitar out the window and his hands where plucking the strings. He drove past three police officers. One just laughed. I said to the final officer that saw him, "No? Not going to stop him? Just let him play and kill us all?" The officer ignored me.

How you know my neighborhood changed

In the movie Ghost, Whoopi Goldberg's character is scared of a guy from the Prospect Park neighborhood. She exclaims, "Willie? Prospect Park Willie?" then runs for her life. Now Prospect Park is filled with all rich yuppies and you can't rent a place for less than 2 grand. You want to buy? My old boss sold her place for almost $4 million. I guess if Prospect Park Willie would have held onto his place instead of getting hit by a car, he could have sold it for the $4 million they killed poor Sam for.

Another sign that your neighborhood has changed is the people who live there think they have super powers. Now in my Brooklyn neighborhood of Clinton Hill people (usually white people, but not always) walk out into traffic and then hold their hands up to stop the oncoming cars. It works! They even get pissed off that a car that has a green light would come towards them or that drivers honk their horn at them when they cross. Rewind 5 years and the car would have hit them, and just kept going. The police would have done minimal effort to look for the person. I mean 5 years the victim would have been black, and no one cares about them hence missing white woman syndrome

Black and Blind?

Yeah so the big deal with the new Governor in New York is that he is not only black (the first black Gov of New York) but also blind (I think he's like the 4th blind Gov, but I don't know because I'm not blind so I don't really care, and let's be honest neither do you person who can see my blog right now).

Some people call it progress, I call it bullsh!t. First off he was not elected, be basically came in because the other Gov got the boot. Progress? No. It says that New Yorkers would not elect a black governor but would not riot if one happened to get in by default. But enough of that lets get to the nitty gritty or it all.

Spitzer was removed from office for a sex scandal. Let's be clear it was not about the fact he had sex with prostitutes, because America doesn't really care about that. Don't believe me? Then go watch Two and a Half Men. Charlie Sheen was caught with hookers galore and now he is on a family show. Maybe you should also rent Shrek or Daddy Day Care and listen to Eddie Murphy who was caught with a prostitute who also had a penis. What creeps people out is Spitzer looks like a troll and yet he gets to sleep with hot young girls. America hates the inequality of it all, especially the average Joe who is over weight and bald, but knows he doesn't have the $4500 an hour to get some Spitzer type poonany.

But back to Gov. Patterson. He comes out and tells everyone on TV that he cheated on his wife, many times. The question is, how does he know? His wife could have put on a wig and followed his ass to the bar, and when he though he was picking up a new woman it was really his wife with a crappy British accent and a Tina Turner wig.

I'm your private dancer Gov Patterson, I mean cheerio, pip pip (That a British accent)

Also Gov Patterson told all his business on the local news station NY1. The guy who interviewed him was shocked. He asked the Governor if he smoked marijuana. The Governor replies, "Yes." Then the host asks about cocaine. The Gov then replies, "Yes." The news guy was in such shock he asked the Gov if he heard him right. 'You sure you want to say yes to this sh!t I'm asking you?' To which the Governor replied 'no doubt.'

I thought in the black community we were down with the stop snitching movement, now it seems we are down with stop snitching unless you're going to snitch on yourself before someone else find out. It seems that if you come out and tell on yourself then you get forgiven or even better a free pass. So in line with that I once looked at a homeless lady's boobs. For whatever reason she popped them out and I did look. Perhaps I need rehab.

Yeah so in the 3rd grade I pulled Sally's hair, then in the 5th grade I stole a Now-N-Later from the corner store. Ummm what else can I tell you I did wrong?

What did you say? No seriously I couldn't hear you.

I take the subway to work every morning. If I am not on the train with my wife, I listen to my iPod. I try not to have the volume turned up too high as anyone who has taken Physics 101 can tell you the close proximity of the speaker to your actual ear drum is not good. If I can clearly hear the song on your iPod over my music, I am willing to bet good money you will be deaf in a few years.

If other countries want to defeat us, they need not build up strong military arsenals or even attack us financially; all they need do is release a Britney Spears pop song with a heavy bass track.

Soon our enemies over seas (I'm talking to you Yugoslavia) will be able to talk amongst themselves, and we will not even be able to hear.

Fighting the power

Eff da police son! Here is a letter I sent to the parking tickets unit for a bogus ticket I got.

Parking Violations Hearing BY Mail Unit
P.O. Box 29021
Brooklyn, NY 11202-9021
RE: Parking Ticket # 7545xxxxx-x


To Whom It May Concern:

On March 12th I received a parking ticket for what the tickets states as “No Parking (d) DAYS/HRS: ALL DAYS/7A – 4P”. However, I was clearly parked directly under a sign that read “No Parking 9:30 AM – 11 AM Tues & Fri“. This section of the street is not in the school loading zone and cars routinely park here. Since I just purchased this car from my father-in-law and the plates have not switched over to New York yet, I feel that I was targeted for a ticket that has no merit. The sign I parked directly under (even indicated on the ticket as opposite xx xxxxxx) does not show a school loading zone restriction.

Please review the pictures which show both the sign I parked under, as well as the area surrounding the sign. I have also included in the group of pictures a photograph of a sign further down the road where the actual school loading zone is.

Here is a list of pictures included.
1. Picture of location from across the street
2. Picture of location from center of the street
3. Picture of sign directly behind where my car was parked
4. Picture of actual sign
5. Picture of car, sign, and xx xxxxxx Street (address is blurry)
6. Closer picture of xx xxxxxx Street (address is seen clearly)
7. Picture of sign further up the street where the loading zone is (I was NOT parked here)



Thank you for your time,
Josh Homer
xx xxxx Ave, Apt xxx
Brooklyn, NY 11xxx
Daytime phone: (212) xxx-xxxx

This is the sign I was parked under on a Wed morning

Only in New York City 2

While walking to pick up my lunch from whole foods (the spot where this took place CLICK) an ambulance comes. It's sirens are loud, it;s lights are flashing but cars are not moving out of it's way, in particular the taxis DGAF (that stands for don't give a f$&K). This causes the ambulance to get even louder.

I am walking and a kid screws out, "Enough already with the noise, just let the dude die already." Only in New York.

Only in New York City

So I'm walking from SoHo to the Lower East Side in Manhattan. The path leads me past Whole Foods, an "upscale" grocery that even has a singles night. As I am walking by I notice a man and woman arguing in front of the supermarket, well more him just yelling at her.

Dude: I can't believe you got some dudes number right in front of me!

Girl: He's a coworker, I wasn't trying to...

Dude: Bitch, you don't need no coworkers number!

He then mushes the girl in the face! The girl immediately walks away.
Remember Jigga and his infamous lady punch?

If that wasn't crazy enough a dude steps in. Now this guy is about 6 foot 5 inches tall, but more importantly he has what looks to be a 14 month old kid on his shoulders.

Tall Dude: Whoa buddy! There's no need for that.

Dude: Mind your own fucking business!

Tall Dude: This is my business, you're on the street.


Then the short hitter dude runs off, I can only assume he runs off to get his girl. The thing is you know this is not the first time he's given her a knuckle sandwich, so more than likely they are still together today. The crazy part was the kid on the shoulders. I can understand wanting to stand up for the girl, I mean I was going to say something but as I took my ear buds out my ear Tall Dad jumped in immediately. But he should have thought of that kid. If something did pop off, that little kid would have fallen from over 6 feet in the air. It would have been a wrap for your son, all for some chick who probably wouldn't have even cared.

Maybe the son was the spotter. "Dad look over there, it's injustice!" The kid is the brains and the father is the braun. It would have really been funny if a fight actually broke out and the dad used the little kid as a bat! Oh well. All I know is I was ready to do something if it did pop off. This is one of many street altercations I've seen in the city (The funniest was a fight on Canal St. between two African street venders. This one came to blows and a chair was used. It was like a WWE cage match).

Side Bar - Never try to break up a fight between couples. The end result is both of them start hitting you. I speak from experience.

New York sometimes pisses me off

I had an audition this morning, well it was an open call. What that means is a bunch of people show up, wait in line and then "audition". My audition went well (or so I think). Here's how it went down.

I got there around 9 AM and met up with Harris Bloom had had been there since about 8. He was first in line, I was 5th. We chat it up, get cold, as more comics arrive. (Harris was nice enough to buy me a hot chocolate). I usually eat some fruit for breakfast, purchased from one of the many the fruit stands in SoHo. The apple cost me 50 cents. But today I missed my breakfast and I was near times square. I bought an apple and it cost me $1.50! GOD DAMN. YOU can get a half pound of apples for that price at PathMark.

An apple a day will make you broke

The 11 AM start time rolls around and I'm ready. Then a comic who I started with shows up. I run to the back of the line and say hello and ask him for my Chris Rock and Jerry Sienfeld CD's back (He's had them for over 2 years! Don't let Ed Pudup borrow your comedy CDs)
A soon as we start talking they start letting people in, I try to run back to my position in line but it's too late. They shut the door on me. Oh well I learned my lesson. The funny thing is before I went to talk to Ed, I said out loud, "Oh crap there's Ed Pudup, I should go talk to him but they may start moving the line."

In any event I laughed it off and waited out it the cold for the next 10 comics to be let in. Once we got inside I signed the sheet and was comic number 12 of the day, not bad. However, I was a little antsy from not being able left out in the cold for an additional 10 minutes.

You're supposed to do 2 to 3 minutes of material for the two judges, there is one other person in the room who sits in the back and you can't really see them. My time comes I go in the room and here's how it goes down:

Judge 1: Hey

Judge 2: Hey, so what's your name?

Me: Josh Homer

Judge 2: So where you from

Me: Brooklyn, but originally from New Jersey

Judge 2: Brooklyn by way of dirty Jersey, nice. So how long have you been doing this?

Me: About 4 and half years (pause) but closer to five.

Judge 1: Ok lets here it

Me: You don't want to hear my credits or anything?

Judge 1: Nah, that's ok.

Me: Ok here we go......

I then tell ONE joke and the judges love it, they even laugh at the setup.

Me: (as the judges are laughing) So is there anything else you need from me or are we good?

Judge 1: (laughing) No man, you're good, you can leave.

Judge 2: You can get out of here.

Me: Alright later dudes. (walks off stage and out the door)


Maybe they will call me, maybe they will not.
Moral of the story: I'm an ass.

Have you no manners?

So in NYC there are a lot of homeless people (aka bums). They always ask you for change giving a varied list of the things they need the money for. Please note I'm a New Yorker now so I'm a bit jaded. When you first come here you look at people with pity and try to help every homeless dude with a cup. Then you realize you've got got.

NYC Bums top scams for getting money (listed in random order)

• Can you spare some change so I can get a cup of coffee:
  I heard this just this morning. Is someone homeless really trying to get their Starbucks on? I doubt it.
  
• Anything will help, I have a family to feed:
  this one is usually executed by women with a sign explaining how they lost their job and have 4 kids. My question then is where are the kids right now? Are you begging for money to pay your babysitter?
  
• F*$K food, I need money to buy beer:
  Oh the honesty guy. He gets a laugh for being honest, at times I have been moved to enable this drunk to get a Heineken.
  
• I need money for the subway (or bus, or train) to get home:
  Really? Well how did you get here in the first place? Maybe the long walk home will give you time to think about how you got in this predicament in the first place.
  
• By giving me money, you're keeping me from robbing people:
  this semi-threat is baseless. The cops will keep you from robbing people, you can't snatch a wallet, then blend into the crowd with your jacket made from rat fur
  
• Ninjas killed my family, need money for karate lessons:
  the guy who has this sign is a Times Square favorite. Tourists stop, take pictures, and for a moment forget this man just pissed on the ATM machine.

The bums are getting rude too. This bum who was black said to me, "Yo n!gga can I get some change?" Word? What happened to "Sir, do you have any spare change?" or anything besides calling me the N word.

The worst is when you don't give them money they say, "Have a good day, God Bless you." Really? Trying to guilt me out of 50 cents? I look at it like this, out of all the people on God's green earth, that homeless dude doesn't have the power to give out God's blessings. He might be able to give out Satan's curses, but not God's blessings.