I weep for the children

Last night I performed at an open mic. A few comics after I finished another guy went up who I had seen perform a few times before and he was never that funny. I could take him or leave him.

Last night he proceded to do a bit about how Michael Richards called some black people the N word. He then says, "..but they were talking during his set, so calling them niggas was accurate. I hate how niggas get mad when you call them niggas, well then stop acting like a nigga."

Then he says he doesn't date black women because they look like monkeys. "Oprah is pretty monkey-ish, right? Whoopi Goldberg is definately a monkey!" The crowd gave some awkward laughs and myself and the only other black guy in the audience who just happened to sit next to me looked at each other not knowing what to do.

The comic on stage was black. Luckily for him I had already went up.

Second Comedy Central bit uploaded

I sat in my living room and watched my TV debut with my wife, my brother-in-law, his wife, her sister, and her mother. I was worried that my in-law's in-laws would be offended, but they weren't. I even got a funny card that played "Whoop there is it"!

It's wierd watching yourself on TV; you sound funny, you look funny (or as my father in-law said I looked fat!), and you're watching yourself. I wish I got more airtime (but then again what comic doesn't) but I was happy with what was shown. Here's another clip from the show. Next time I'm going to try to do some mother-in-law jokes, at her request of course.

RIP George Carlin

I was going to put up a post about how my TV debut went, but that seems like crap when compared to the fact George Carlin passed away on Sunday of heart failure. You see as a kid I was not allowed to watch Mr. Carlin perform, as he was a "blue" comic (blue means they say dirty words) and my parents were/are super religious. So I was not able to see his comedy until I was older and away from prying eyes.

Carlin was blue, but there was a method to it. He did not say dirty words for the sake of just shock value. Although some of his routines where meant to shock, they shocked you into thinking. His comedy was full of "ah ha moments" that made you laugh and re-examine your own beliefs and viewpoints. He wielded curse words like a surgeon, and those who follow him tend to use them like a sledge hammer. He will be missed.

Here is Carlin's famous 7 words you can't say on television


Here is Carlin on The View being a grumpy old man, I laughed out loud when I saw this. I wasn't working a day job at the time and set my alarmm to watch The View and Carlin did not let me down.

My Wife and Stand Up Comedy

So this weekend, while out eating my wife and I started to talk about stand up comedy. My wife is a huge fan, and one could say a comedy snob. She knows what she likes, what she doesn't and she is very vocal about it (this vocal nature is not limited to comedy as future posts will illustrate).

We started talking about minorities in comedy, and she focused on woman. She says that all her friends want a strong woman comic but there are really none out there. A female comic who does not rely on her looks nor spends all her time talking about her lady parts. She then hit me with this gem, "Sara Silverman! Please. Saying inappropriate things while looking cute for shock value? I did that when I was 5, she's copying me." Comedy snob or the truest words ever spoke?

The things that make you a great comic...

are the things that make you a horrible person. You're ability to find funny in anything sometimes backfires. I mean joking about death is only funny if you don't know the person who died. Talking about your relationship is funny to teh outside world, but never funny to your significant other (at least the juicy stuff anyway). When you're on stage or writing, you remove the filter and talk about everything. That's what makes you great.

With me I can talk about alamost anything on stage (I clear stuff with my wife first as I don't want to be divorced). I'm being pushed by veteran comics to talk about the really private stuff on stage, but it's the stuff that could cost me the most or pay off in the biggest ways. What to do?

Where the hell is Josh?

Usually I update every day, but I'm busy. I apologize to my faithful fan. I might be on TV in the near future, and one of the things that happens is you have to type out everything word for word of what you will say. Then this document is sent to the folks over at Standards and Practices, another copy is sent to the FCC, and yet another copy is sent to a group of lawyers to ensure that what you say will not open the network up to legal action. Each group makes notes and sends you a list of things you can do, thing you can't do and things you can do but just not in their current form.

As such I'm in the process of fact checking (I need to provide a legal document showing that a group I talk about has an opinion I say they do), rewriting, and just generally agonizing. And yes, it's as fun as it sounds.

The regular comedy blog will continue soon.

Realization part 2

"How much time you doing?" is a term used only in comedy and prison.

OK, we need you to do a clean 5 minutes,
then we rape you.

Last Comic Standing

Wednesday night I camped out in a weak attempt to live the dream. It can be summed up in two words: never again.

Memorable moments from the line:

Comic A: So how long have you been doing this?
Comic B: I've been writing for 5 or 6 years, but I've only been on stage twice.

The rain starts to come down hard
Female Comic: Man, I'm going home. This is too much
Male Comic: I live a few blocks from here, you can come back to my house.
Female Comic: ummmmmm
Male Comic: You don't have to


In my tent, which was occupied by three male comics
Comic A: This is romantic
Comic B: Yeah it is
Awkward silence


On the train ride home
Comic B: When I said to Comic A he was right, it was romantic I didn't mean it in a "I want to f#ck you" romantic way.
Me: Yeah
Comic B: You know what I mean, romantic like..... nevermind I'm going to shut up.
Me: Yeah.